Current State of Motherhood

Owen is newly 4.  He’s a little boy now and we’re dealing with little boy attitude.  After grieving that the toddler years are fading, I look at the task ahead and feel overwhelmed at times.  I find myself currently bogged down with the enormous task of training up a child in the Lord.  At times I feel as if I’m drowning….and I only have one child!  I’m learning though, that having an only child has major difficulties that having several children does not have and vice versa.  When I was sharing with a mentor of mine, she reminded me of the fact that really, if most moms had the chance in their busy days to be frank, they’d say they felt they were drowning at times too.  So here’s my heart, where I’m at and I just pray that the Lord can encourage us through each others experiences.

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One of many truths…

I mentioned in my last post that the Lord has been really teaching and applying spiritual truths through my experience with my Chinese doctor.  Each day when I go and get treated, this humble man sits and shares countless stories of the people he has helped, with ailments ranging from cancer to drug addiction to infertility to even cross eyed children. (Yep, I did say the last one, Owen will start treatment in the summer for his eye condition.  This doctors own grandson was born cross eyed as well and required no other treatment other than acupuncture.) Anyway, a more recent story he shared with me was of a woman who carried a lot of anger and worry… 

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“Go and sin no more…”

This morning I was sitting before the Lord, kind of a confession morning for me.  One of those days where it seemed God’s light was very bright on my heart, radiating so many areas that needed cleaning out.  You know it’s the Lord when the conviction is gentle.  The enemy was right there to load the guilt on, heavy and loud, over the very issues the Lord was revealing.  And the Spirit quickly reminded me that the Lord does not bring condemnation. But rather conviction that leads to repentance. 

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Praise for 2009!

So January is finally here!  Praise God!  I’ve been talking with God over the past few weeks about what it is that He would desire our family to work on this coming year.  One of my mentors always encourages her disciples to seek and ask the Lord for something that He would desire to do in your heart the coming year, like an area that He will develop in you over the next 12 months.

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God’s using the meds

So Noah and I have decided that we needed to start the antibiotic with Owen.  It was such a neat opportunity to talk through with him the different ways God answers prayer.  We asked him if he was able to hear better today and he said, “I can hear, just not all the way.” 

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Childlike Faith

So Owen has been using the word “what” a lot lately.  After a while it started getting very frustrating…was he ignoring, was he starting selective hearing at the age of almost 4, or could he really not hear me every time I spoke? 

I came home yesterday from a doctors appointment and knocked on our door, which Owen was right on the other side of.  He didn’t even hear it.  Noah finally agreed, “take him to the doctor.”

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5 Loaves 2 Fish Mindset

“Oh you of little faith. How I can do so much more than you could ask or imagine.” God spoke gently to me this morning.

Lately, I’ve been coming to Him a lot with my paniced, pleading prayer, “Lord, tell me what to do to be healed and I’ll do it. Tell me what to eat. Tell me what doctor to see and to listen to. Whatever it is, confirm it to me and I will do it.”

Wow, me, how little faith. He has been showing me that these things that I ask for are like the 5 loaves and 2 fish. They are tangible to me, I can see them, do them, and they make sense to me. But all the things I am finding are not producing the results that I am seeking after…

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The Condition of my Heart

About six months ago I was doing a haircut in my kitchen when God had a divine appointment set for me that day.  My sweet friend was getting a cute little “do” while I listened to what God had to share with me threw this sister in Christ.  I had been struggling with my heart for adoption, we had just started the process and I was so disappointed at the idea.  I knew I wanted more children but adoption wasn’t in my plan until baby #3.  So a battle raged on in my heart and mind everyday, the guilt of being in this process when I really didn’t want to.  I was experiencing

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A bit about my story

I had just turned 16.  I passed my driving test and was on my way to driving around town in my red cabriole with black and white cow cover seats.  Excited about life just as any other 16 year old would be.  It was March, 1993. For my brothers birthday, my family decided to do some spring skiing up in Tahoe, beautiful that day I remember, warm and the sun was hot!  I remember on our long drive home, I started not feeling well. I felt like I was coming down with the flu. I felt achy and had a low grade fever and just wanted to sleep.  And that was the beginning of my journey.  Several months went by of me not feeling well.  I would attend school for a few days and then be out for a few, I’d be at the doctors, back and forth, once a week, then a few times a week until it turned into every day.  I can remember showing up at the doctors office and I was too weak to walk so they wheeled me up in a wheelchair.  They finally admitted me to the hospital, where they ran a whole band of tests and I was released 4 days later with no diagnosis but rather, “take her home and make her comfortable, she’s probably not going to make it.”  I headed back to my doctors office the following day to go over some lab work.  The office was small…white…sterile. 

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