June 06, 2010


Hi to everyone…it’s been a while.  I’ve been in a different season over the past 6 months or so and decided to take some time away from writing as I let the Lord sift me.  For the past month or so, the Lord has continued to put writing on my heart but with one condition…only if I’m transparent.  Lives can’t be changed, including my own, if we can’t be transparent with the Lord and with those around us.  I’m not saying everyone needs to know every detail of your life but there’s something about being the same person, being authentic, regardless of who you’re around (Jesus, family, friends, readers…). 

Transparency scares me.  There’s a real vulnerability that comes with it.  It’s a hard trait to expose if you’re a people pleaser or struggle with being concerned with what others think of or about you.  However, as I was reading the definition of the word, it took away the hesitation inside me. 

Transparent - allowing light to pass through, transmitting light, able to be seen through with clarity.

My desire is to surrender my life and my desires everyday so that I can be a vessel for Christ to use.  Christ is light. If I’m always being translucent (can’t be seen through clearly), Christ can’t be seen, given glory or recognized for all that He is.  Transparency is part of being a follower of Jesus.  When I die to the fear of what I may look like,  His light can be seen.  My job…be real…and Christ is seen!!!  It takes my efforts out of it…and the result…He gets the glory!

Over the past month or so, despite my lack of writing on my site, I’ve continued to receive emails from people desperate to be released from the idol of what their disease has/can become so that they can live for Christ.  Paul was given a thorn in his side that God chose not to remove and that didn’t stop him from being the vessel God needed.  He learned to be content with the life God had chosen for him. But how do you do that, how do you get to that place?  I wish I had the answers.  But I don’t.  But I do know that His word says that we are to “deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow Him.”  In order to follow Him, the first step each day has to be to deny ourselves. 

So, all that to say, my site will be making a few changes.  My desire is to come along side others hurting and wanting to be freed from the mental anguish that a chronic illness can have on you.  If God chooses not to take illness from our earthly bodies, He hasn’t forgotten us or found us unfit for His use.  Sometimes I find it a privilege to have a daily reminder (my illness) that I’m not my own, that I was bought with a price and that my purpose in life is to join God’s work, not have Him meet me in mine. 

So, as often as I can, my site will be dedicated to sharing with you my journey, day to day, with Jesus.  As He speaks to me, I want to share with you.  As my hard days come, I will share those too.  God has work to do through us.  My life has been filtered through loving hands that are aware of everything that is going on.  I know that He didn’t allow all this for me to sit here and wait for the day to come when I’m healed. So this is me.  I’m learning and still being refined everyday.  I’m praying for you.

1 Comments So Far...

June 13, 2010 Mom

I read this and was amazed at this wonderful piece, how talented you are at writing! and to think you are my daughter!  You are an amazing young woman, a special gift that I will always treasure!  I have learned so much from you through the years and am grateful for your life.  Lupus has been difficult at times for all of us, especially you, but God does not waste any situation.  He has lead you to help others through this disease, not necessarily just about Lupus, but about life and how gracious and loving our God is.  When you focus on Him, you have a life and a purpose. You have brought so much joy to our family and to everyone who knows you.
This is a good Blog——with a Godly purpose.

I love you—-Mom

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