February 15, 2012

Hope Restored

Today I’m headed in for a trans…something arather liver biopsy. They send a catheter down my jugular vein into my liver to extract a part of me.  Simply a part of my “normal”.  Tests.

I praise Him because my time with Him this morning was such a blessing.  I woke up early to a verse repeating in my head, “For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  So I got up and went to Jeremiah 29 and felt the Lord asking me to read more, so I spend a good amount of time reading over chapter 29 and 30 and what a blessing it was. It was like a hope restorer…

I started out with lupus 19 years ago and today have 2 additional autoimmune diseases and over the past year my hope feels like it has been chipped away at by man and I can honestly say that loosing hope is like a pit in your stomach that gets deeper and deeper, takes the joy of your day at times, it’s like you just can catch your breath…but as I read through these chapters God reminded me of those he sent into exile to Babylon, a place they didn’t want to go or be, a place of pain and ugly and confusion…a place of hopelessness. But God had a plan to restore them, give them a future and hope…. after these 70 hard years.  He reminded me that even though it has been 19 years, that doesn’t mean things will only get worse and worse.  It’s easy for me to look at my circumstances and think there is no way I could be healthier now then in the past but how little faith I have in the God who knows.  Chapter 30 verse 24 says, “The fierce anger of the Lord will not turn back until he fully accomplishes the purposes of his heart.” The later part of this verse struck me…“until He fully accomplishes the purposes of his heart”.  I think the 19 years has felt like an eternity and I’m sure those in exile felt the same and maybe didn’t feel like it would ever get any better, but after 70 years God had big plans. Like Job, years of sickness, pain, suffering and God blessed the later part of his life more than the first part….How little I believe, how much I trust in what makes “sense” and forget it is his purposes that are the priority!  I was encouraged and reminded this morning that it is His plan that needs to be accomplished, not mine. I literally took a deep breath this morning, like a relief that He has given me hope again…

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