September 05, 2009

He’s Loved Us All The While

I love him yet I haven’t carried him. I love him yet I haven’t felt him kick.  I love him yet I haven’t met him.  And then I realized this is an incredible reflection of God’s love for me - loving me before I ever loved Him, choosing me before I ever chose Him… and He loved me all the while.

I’m expecting my second son in 11 days… expecting isn’t really the right word, but rather hoping in Him for our second son to come.  We’re adopting and Joshua Jude is due any day.  I remember going into the process and actually have spent most of the process so far expecting to “feel” the love for this child the day I saw his precious face.  Obviously there’s risk in adoption with the birth mom given the right to change her mind for 30 days following the birth, so understandably, being excited and guarding my heart have had their share of fighting for the spotlight. But about two weeks ago, this incredible love that I really can’t explain began to grow in me.  A love that only comes from Him. A love I have tried to muster up in days past but just can’t let my guard down to do so.  It’s been mind blowing.  My thoughts have been just as they were with Owen.  It hasn’t made a difference to me one bit that he’s not growing in me because there’s an incredible sense of peace from the fact that I know God choose this boy to be grafted into our family as our own.  God’s perfect love doesn’t see the lines that we draw into our lives.  God doesn’t put a guard up because He’s afraid that we might not choose Him.  He loves us all the while.  So, for a while I hesitated to post this because my lack of faith would say, “What if”, but God gently reminded me that for the past 7 months He has asked me to love our birth mom and this baby boy, not conditional on the final outcome but unconditionally regardless of the outcome.  I do not know what the next 30 days will hold but the fact that He knows and it is already determined brings me peace. 

God’s love is amazing. He is love.  When He is the source, we can love unconditionally.  But we have to choose Him because He’s already chosen us and loved us all the while…

1 Comments So Far...

September 07, 2009 Allison Priola

WOW, you just spoke to my heart and I can not wait for this little guy to be loved by you and blessed by your incredible family. I am so thankful for your process and ALL the Lord has taught me through it!  You are an example and inspiration!

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