November 17, 2008

5 Loaves 2 Fish Mindset

“Oh you of little faith. How I can do so much more than you could ask or imagine.” God spoke gently to me this morning.

Lately, I’ve been coming to Him a lot with my paniced, pleading prayer, “Lord, tell me what to do to be healed and I’ll do it. Tell me what to eat. Tell me what doctor to see and who to listen to. Whatever it is, confirm it to me and I will do it.”

Wow, me, how little faith. He has been showing me that these things that I ask for are like the 5 loaves and 2 fish. They are tangible to me, I can see them, do them, and they make sense to me. But all the things I am finding are not producing the results that I am seeking after…healing. They are my answers and they are coming up short, a failure, incomplete. The disciples found 5 loaves and 2 fish, brought them to Jesus and said, but Lord here is food but it will only feed a few, not 5000. Their eyes were on what they could wrap their human minds around, in their human/fleshly strength. There is no power in what we can do, think up, find…no power in their answer. But by His power, what seemed liked a failure or poor solution became the perfect and best solution because God’s power infused the circumstances. By His strength and might, 5 loaves and 2 fish fed 5000.

“...do not put your hope in these things, in what you eat or what you listen to or what you read. They have no power without me.”

He can do immeasurably more than I can ask or imagine. My hope has been in all these things, demanding that God make them work some how. Bringing Him what I found to be the solution and putting all my hope and expectation in these things, rather than in Him and who He is…the bread of life, all powerful and all knowing.

I asked God, what do I do then. I’m used to “doing” not sitting. Sitting still has not been my best trait and satan has known that. he has taken this weakness and had a field day with my mind. he is the mastermind behind confusion and busyness which in the end paralyzes me. But then there’s Jesus, His word is simple and clear, truth that sets me free. God has been so clear as I have sought Him and simply and literally asked Him, “Lord, what is my part in all of this?”
And He gently and kindly, like a loving father, is speaking to me and saying, “I have given you the knowledge to know how to take care of yourself. Now go and do it out of obedience and out of treating your body as a temple. But do not put your hope in these things, in what you eat or what you listen to or what you read. They have no power without me. It is my power working through these things that brings healing, physically and spiritually, not food or medicine or the right doctor. Glory and honor is for me. When you are busy “doing” it is your strength that people will see, not mine.”

So God has been waiting patiently for me for 3 years now. He has been gentle and compassionate as He has brought me to my knees. He has been faithful and never given up on me or left me, but waited.

So realizing I need to confess and repent of this sin that has paralyzed me for years I began asking God what I can do to walk in victory in this area. For me, right now, anything extreme or radical is leading me into this perpetual sin. My heart and intention starts off pure. I commit something to the Lord. And then immediately I am off to find the best solution on how to fulfill this commitment which leads to self focus, my own goals, legalism…. So for me, the Lord has said no to anything that requires more than a 24 hour commitment. I need to go before Him every morning for this day so that I am not tempted to try and figure life out on my own.

My part is to live according to His word and His part is to provide the power that only He can infuse into His word which flows through me.

“Give us today our daily bread.”
“Do not worry about tomorrow, for today has enough troubles of it’s own.”
He wants our eyes on Him and His word today.
If I fast, I do it one day at a time. If it’s my diet, I ask daily what it is I am to eat.

So today, I came to Him with my requests and concerns. I asked for Him to speak to me through His word in the areas that are pressing today. He was faithful, immediately bringing to mind a scripture for every single request. Those are my instructions for this day. Today. And my only responsibility is obey His word today. My part is to live according to His word and His part is to provide the power that only He can infuse into His word which flows through me.

I’ve been so humbled that the Lord has taken the time (I am slow to learn) to heal my heart.

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